Find peace with food and overcome disordered eating.
Eating Disorder Therapist
Overcome disordered eating and find peace with food
Mirror, mirror on the wall
by Harriet Frew on June 2nd, 2014

In Snow White the Wicked Queen needs daily assurance from her mirror, that she is attractive; good enough and the most desirable and beautiful. As the young Snow White blossoms in front of her, she feels envious and inadequate. Her self-worth is completely based on external validation and comparison with others. She can’t still value her own beauty; it is clouded by her envy, jealousy and preoccupation with her perceived lack. No wonder she is a ball of fury and contempt!
Similarly, beautiful Hollywood actresses lament their woes that there is always someone new on the scene that is younger and prettier. It is very challenging for them to feel comfortable in their own skin.
Can you relate to this? Do you go to the school gates and compare yourself with other Mums? Do you go to the gym and judge your body against others? Do you feel bad at work when you compare yourself with someone you perceive to be looking great? Do you constantly ask people for reassurance about your looks?
I think this is a tricky subject. Who wants to admit feeling bad about the way they look? Who wants to admit to being jealous of others? Our intentions are often to be supportive and championing of our siblings, friends and colleagues. So we try to push these uncomfortable feelings aside. Sometimes feelings arise quite subconsciously. They leak out through snide remarks or our withdrawal from others or beating ourselves up.
Some social comparison is always going to be around and from an evolutionary perspective, good looks (eg: the magnificent peacock’s tail) link to survival of the fittest. But interestingly in human beings, this has expanded from conventional beauty, to also mean thin; toned, sculpted, etc. Unfortunately, body size and shape can become another tick box to achieve, alongside everything else.
You may be particularly vulnerable to social comparison if early on in life, you were labelled in your family as ‘the pretty one’ or’ the brainy one’ or ‘the athletic one’.  Early on we compare ourselves to our significant others and sometimes the seeds of inadequacy can be planted. Rather than celebrating our own unique qualities, we measure our worth though our perceived lack.
If you recognise yourself here, how can you start to change this?
3 TIPS to feel better about YOU today

  1. Stop the daily comparisons with other people.  They don’t help. They keep you stuck. They are also based on false evidence. Just because you perceive someone to be looking/doing better, you really don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. As well as comparisons to real people in your life, also be careful of the celeb/model ones too. 
  2. Back yourself; rather than relying on others for reassurance about your worth. Reassurance never completely fills you up and the well constantly needs re-filling. When you feel good within, others will naturally reflect this back to you. 
  3. Back yourself today. Recognise your own strengths and qualities. Look in the mirror and notice your eyes, your smile, your healthy body that can move and run and be flexible. 

What do you think?  Have you a story to tell? Please share any comments or thoughts below.
If you would like to get in touch about working with me to explore some of these issues further, I would love to hear from you. I am passionate about helping you to eat all the foods you love; and feel great about your body without disordered eating or dieting.
Best wishes

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Find peace with food and overcome disordered eating.